I was chatting recently with fellow-blogger, Dootsiez, (from All I Need is a Picket Fence) about the lists of tennis worries that we’re both compiling in our heads. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only wierdo ruining my manicure over the trials and tribulations of Roger Federer and Maria Sharapova! So I thought I’d share my list with the rest of you:
TOP TWENTY(SOME) TENNIS WORRIES:
1. Roger Federer won’t break Pete Sampras’s record. (I’m not saying it’s not going to happen, but I’m on pins and needles until he clinches 15.)
2. Once Federer retires with the best-ever record, Rafael Nadal will surpass it a year later.
3. Maria Sharapova’s only future rivalry with Serena Williams will be on HSN.
4. We’ll never have another Marat Safin.
5. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga will make like Marcos Baghdatis and slide down the rankings.
6. Which reminds me, what the heck’s going on with Marcos Baghdatis? I’m worried about him. . .
7. The Williams sisters will continue dominating to such a degree that the rest of the WTA tour will seek asylum on the challenger circuit.
8. Rafael Nadal and Ana Ivanovic will never fall in love and produce bionic babies with charming, accented English.
9. 2008 will go down as Jelena Jankovic’s best year on tour.
10. All courts and all surfaces will eventually be calibrated to play exactly the same.
11. Bethanie Mattek-Sands will go tasteful.
12. Taylor Dent and Radek Stepanek will be enshrined as the last serve and volleyers in tennis.
13. The sport will be dominated by loping, big serving giants like Ivo Karlovic and John Isner.
14. Justine Henin will never play on the pro circuit again.
15. Ana Kournikova will make a comeback and immediately become the biggest moneymaker on the WTA tour.
16. Justin Gimelstob will replace Larry Scott as CEO of the Sony Ericsson WTA Tour.
17. Amelie Mauresmo will retire too soon.
18. The one handed backhand will go from endangered to extinct.
19. I don’t know what bothers me more: that James Blake may never make it to a Major final, that Andy Roddick could remain a “one slam wonder,” or that David Nalbandian will likely go down with Marcelo Rios as one of the most talented players to never have won a Major.
20. We’ll expect too much, too soon, of Madison Keys.
21. Indian Wells will move to the Middle East.
22. Gilles Simon won’t get the one man show in Vegas that he so deserves (click here).
23. FSN will buy out broadcasting rights from Tennis Channel and ESPN, fulfilling it’s evil plan to hold tennis hostage.
Crazy time: This started as a “Top Ten” list, but I obviously have a lot more to worry about. Heck, I could come up with a top twenty on Roger Federer, alone!
So forget about the bad economy and crappy healthcare system (U.S. visitors only) – tell me what’s really keeping you up at night!
And click here to see what Dootsiez is worrying about.
Photo: REUTERS/Tim Wimborne at ATP Men’s Tennis Blog
Tags: Federer, Nadal, Nalbandian, Sharapova, tennis
RELATED ARTICLES ON GOTOTENNIS |
Loading ...
I totally agree with the Tsonga one. I too think he will pull a Baghdatis because I just don’t think he’s consistent enough,he plays way to risky.Plus he gets injured very easily.
Hey Jenn! I know! I was really hoping Tsonga would have at least made it to the finals in either IW or Miami, thus proving to be a consistent player who could challenge the top four.
He SHOULD have beaten Novak in that Miami quarter, at least!
Nadal just watched for the first time that five setter at Wimbledon from last year on DVD.
I’m a little worried that he’ll realise just how good he is, lose his humility and go all cocky on us.
But I’m REAL worried that he’ll realise just how silly it looks to fix his undies and straighten his water bottles. He’ll get all self-conscious, try and reform and lose all concentration between points and ends.
It could destroy him…
Hilarious!
But really, I’m sure Uncle Toni would ground him for life if Rafa ever lost his humble personality!
Would be nice if he made an effort NOT to pick the wedgie though. . .
I had to laugh at number two. I was thinking about that one just this morning!
I would add to the concern about Marcos a little extra for Richard Gasquet. So much talent, so little fulfillment….
I totally forgot about Gasquet! I think that’s because I’ve given up on him. He’s just an incurable headcase.
I AM a little worried about his shoulder injury, though – to pull out of both Miami and now Monte Carlo. . .yikes!
Even if I’ve given up on him, GOAT-wise, I still like to see him in the draws. . .
Hi Freaky, we did have many of the same ones! I guess neurotic minds think alike.
I would worry over No 2 as well, but I have slightly more affection for Rafael Nadal than your average Fed fan. He was my first love in men’s tennis before I saw the light and converted. Shocking I know.
No 14 – already true, most likely to stay that way. No 15 – I wouldn’t be surprised if Anna Kournikova makes more money now as a retired player than some of the girls in the top 15. No 16 – LOL!
Yes, and I too worry excessively that the single handed backhand will go extinct. Forgot to include that one. Though I dare say I’m putting way to much faith into the child wonder Grigor Dimitrov than he really deserves.
Just watching Carla Suarez Navarro take a set off of JJ right now, and thinking “WOW! What a beautiful backhand!!!”
New worry: Carla Suarez Navarro will never win a slam!
I’m in deep doo doo, aren’t I?
Wow, Freaky, that is some list! What gets me chewing my nails are (predictably, being both Old School and old)are12, 18, 4 and 10.
The death of serve and volley I’m praying is premature, and some Young Gun or Gunette will emerge and befuddle the competition. I am entrusting the fate of the one handed backhand to you and other young players and bloggers.
Hi Alice!
Well, American phenon, Madison Keys is giving me some hope – she says she hates playing at the baseline! So maybe she’s at the forefront of a new generation of S&Vers.
8. Rafael Nadal and Ana Ivanovic will never fall in love and produce bionic babies with charming, accented English.
I worry that this, in fact, will happen and I will be doomed to a broken heart and crying jags ever so often.
Agreed on never having a Marat Safin <3
Also worry that the WTA will never pick itself up… and will be relegated to talking about ‘Remember when Steffi Graf owned the courts?’ for eternity.
That tennis drama will DIE.
Risha, I’m so sorry that I added another tennis worry to your list! But have no fear, I’m sure you’re right about Ana and Rafa – he’s going through the motions with Xisca until he runs into you one day at a lonely cafe on a side street in Paris. . .
..where I will jump him and have my wicked way with him?
I have another worry.. that Novak will stop shoving his foot down his throat and I won’t have anyone to make fun of. =/
Re: Gasquet..I’m hoping his team shake-up will go some way to helping with the headcaseyness… he has a very pretty BH <3 <3
Re: Carla .. she needs a year or so to hit the big leagues.. and then I really don’t see how she won’t. But I won’t jinx her so fingers crossed.
Oh. But my biggest (most shameful) worry is that we’ll end up with another Monica Seles-esque incident on our hands
I’ve thought of that, too. . .
YES! Carla for World No. 1!
Who says you’ll have to jump Rafa? Maybe he’ll jump you.
OMG, it would be so boring if Nole went all Rafa on us. Or if his family stopped being obnoxious – who would Roger yell at, then?
This is a great list and was entertaining reading until the very end. I’m so tired of people trying to push inferior socialized medicine. The U.S. medical system is the best in the world. There is a reason why people from the utopian universal health care systems of England and Canada come to the U.S. It’s because nearly every medical and medicinal technology breakthrough in medicine has happened (and still does) in the U.S. and sometimes Japan (even if the FDA does sometimes drag its feet in approving it). I know some won’t like this “political” comment but the author should have left the pot shot out of his or her post – especially in light of the fact that he/she didn’t know what they were talking about. I thought this was a tennis blog anyway.
Hey Donald,
Of course you are more than welcome to have your own opinion, as am I. And I know exactly what I’m talking about – because I speak from personal experience.
Having lived both in Canada and in the States, I can say that my Canadian relatives have never had to drop their prescriptions and treatments because they’ve lost their jobs. I have very close family and friends here in the States who have stopped seeing their doctors because they can’t afford $500+ COBRA payments every month. This is a reality, not an exaggeration.
I realize no system is perfect, but I’m hardly a raving Commie just because I think the current American system of employer-based health insurance is f-ed up. Maybe I shouldn’t have made a blanket generalization (obviously other countries have problems, too), but this post was about stuff I worry about, and affording my health care, along with that of my aging parents, is something that shakes me to the core.
Thanks for listening.
Freaky…
Thanks for the well thought and measured reply. I reacted a bit more than I might should have because I just get tired of reading blogs for enjoyment that are supposed to be about other stuff (in this case tennis) only to find jabs taken constantly at the U.S. or something about it. I shouldn’t have said you didn’t know what you were talking about. It’s just that when people take shots at the U.S., I find upon challenging them in the slightest that most of them don’t. Their not just missing a fact or two but completely talking out of their arse. They usually are just parroting stuff they read on blogs or that they hear on leftward leaning media outlets. It gets tiring. Agreed that no system is perfect and there are certainly areas where the U.S. system could improve. However, people from other systems that we keep being told are “better” keep coming here in droves for treatment and there has to be a reason for that.
Hey Donald! I understand your points – obviously it’s a complicated issue and not one that everyone is going to agree on 100%. . .
Now back to the big controversies – like Fed vs. Rafa
I think point #10 and #13 is a little bit contradictive. Is there such a word? My spell checker is going crazy.
Anyways, I think the days of big servers are gone. Especially is all courts are calibrated to play the same – Rafa beat Karlovic 76, 67, 76 or something like that in Queen’s last year – to me it shows that a better game makes a better player. And let’s not forget Roger’s domination of Roddick who may not be a loping giant but deffo a big server.
Am I making sense? Do I need more coffee? Geez, 3 days with no tennis and I’m already going crazy. Don’t mind me.
Hi Babz! I think the world you’re looking for is contradictory!
Well, you are probably right, but who said that my tennis worries were consistent, or made sense, or were valid in terms of the actual reality we’re living in?
Sometimes I worry I’m going nuts!
That’s right, contradictory.
If you’re nuts, we all are.
The one that keeps me awake at night, is the one about FSN. That particular nightmare wakes me, with the sweaty night terrors. I’m just glad they don’t have their bony, evil fingers on Monte Carlo.
Hi Diane! Glad someone else shares my FSN phobia.
The TC coverage of Monte Carlo is great! I can’t believe they’re showing it all week long. Now if only I could BE there all week long. . .
Here are my thoughts about your worries.
1. A little over a year ago i predicted that Roger will never break Pete’s record and i am sticking with that prediction. Equaling the record would be a great accomplishment.
2. It is not impossible but very unlikely that Rafa will get 15 Major titles – the competition is improving constantly.
3. Alas, it is probably true.
4. Definitely not – fortunately, every person is unique and human cloning is not happening for a while yet.
5. Probably true, but J-W’s decline will not be as swift as Marcos’s seems to be.
6. If this is one of your biggest worries, you are a lucky person.
7. Not for long – maybe a year or two, at most.
8. Never say never – who could have predicted Andre and Steffi, a year or even less before they suddenly hooked up?
9. Most definitely.
10. Not in our lifetime.
11. Maybe halfway but not more.
12. Absolutely not.
13. Let’s hope not.
14. This one, unfortunately, is probably true.
15. That would certainly be a sign of the Apocalypse.
16. This would mean the end of his commentating which would please lots of tennis fans.
17. No – because, if you ask me, she should have retired already by now.
18. Possibly even in our lifetime.
19. Three worries in one – you are cheating!
20. We already do.
21. Not likely, but let’s just pray that Middle East never moves to Indian Wells.
22. Who knows – he might do just that.
23. Hold your tongue – please do not give them any such ideas.
Fine, we can all exhale now.
MarK, you’re better than a therapist! Except I want a second opinion on #1.
(LOL at #15 – hehe!)