The time is ripe to dissect the GOAT debate and how it relates to being a Fedophile (click here for more on the term.) After all, one of Roger’s main GOAT rivals, Pete Sampras, holds the record for six consecutive years at No. 1 (not to be confused with consecutive weeks at No. 1, a record Roger owns) and as early as this Sunday, Rafa will destroy Roger’s hopes of ever besting this undeniably GOATy achievement.
Fedophiles are passionate about the GOAT factor. If you don’t know what GOAT stands for, you are a casual Fed fan, at best (but please, keep reading!) GOAT stands for Greatest of All Time and no Fedophile will be satisfied until everyone from Bjorn Borg to Barack Obama recognizes Roger Federer as the sole and eternal holder of this title.
It’s such an important Fedophile characteristic, that it’s possible to categorize these fans based solely on how they think about the GOAT debate. Remember, fellow Fedophiles, that I don’t mean to tease or ridicule, but to categorize and understand! To the outsider this might be confusing, like trying to tell the difference between Catholics and Episcopalians. “What does it matter,” you ask, “as long as you worship the same God?” Heathen!
FLAT EARTH FEDOPHILES
This group of Federer fans is defined by their limited world view – Roger has been the No. 1 player since the dawn of time and to speak of a strange, parallel universe where Fed doesn’t have a “1″ by his name is taboo. Hard line Flat Earthers fear change to the status quo like Pete Seeger fans feared Dylan at the Newport Folk Festival. When people mention Roger’s slump, Rafa’s unbelievable 2008, or that Roger can’t realistically be No. 1 when he’s seventy-five years old, Flat Earthers will accuse you of being a Rafafile, a tennis ignoramus or a hater of all that is right and good in the world. Irrational, stubborn and ungracious? Yes! But to paraphrase the great Stephen Colbert: “Reality has a Fedofile Bias!”
An example from rogerfederer.com (all examples are post Rogers Cup): Dear Roger, I dont know, whats up. You are best. Please start practice (toil) and you win US Open, Olympic games and so on. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
FAMOUS FLAT EARTHERS: This is a populist group, represented mostly by people who leave defensive comments on blogs or tie up the BBC’s phone lines to complain about anti-Fed commentators (click here). The recent letter writer at the Down the Line! blog is a flawless example (click here) as is Marion Bartoli. I’m starting to suspect that Roger may be the most famous Flat Earth Fedophile of all.
THE HISTORIANS
This is an elite, high-minded club, who obscure their obsession with the GOAT designation by playing Devil’s Advocate or paying Rafa his due when he does things like win Roland Garros and Wimbledon back-to-back or win 100+ matches in a row on clay. Real or wannabe tennis “experts” often fall into this category. Historians will always point out that three of the four majors were played on grass whenever some old geezer goes on about Rod Laver winning the calendar year Grand Slam twice. These Fed fans will appear thoughtful, knowledgeable, even agnostic in their personal beliefs, but don’t let them fool you. They’d walk from Basel to the Burj Al Arab on their bare knees if it would get Roger that 15th slam (or an illusive French Open title, if you’re of the John McEnroe sect of Fedophile Historians.)
From rogerfederer.com: Hi Roger, I guessed the passion to win has gone. It looks like from the day you lost the Aussie Open, winning a tournament now is almost impossible. The question is…can you turn things around? Many of your fans believe you can but so far its all ended in false hope. Do something roger or else Halle will be your last win…
FAMOUS HISTORIANS: John McEnroe, Jim Courier, possibly Peter Bodo (click here for an artful example of Fedophile camouflage). The above Charlie Rose clip covers the spectrum.
THE UNCONDITIONALS
These fans don’t give a hoot about ranking points or Rafael Nadal. They declared Roger the GOAT in 2005 and will continue to believe even if Stockholm is the next and last tournament the man ever wins and Rafa goes on to win 20 Grand Slams as Brad Gilbert has started projecting. Think Flat Earthers without the self-flagellation and overriding sense of doom.
From rogerfederer.com: DEAR ROGER!!! REMEMBER THAT MOST TENNISISTS OF THE WORLD WOULD BE HAPPY TO WIN AT LEAST ONE GRAM SLAM OR MASTERS TITLE IN THEIR LIVES. YOU WON THEM MANY. SO YOU ARE THE BEST!!! LOVE YOU!!!
FAMOUS UNCONDITONALS: Mirka, Lynette and Robbie Federer, Gavin Rossdale
So what do you think Fedofiles, did I leave anyone out? And where do you fit into the GOAT debate? I think I’m a wanna-be Historian with strong Flat Earth tendencies.
Tags: ATP, Federer, Fedophile, goat, roger, tennis
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Brilliant and so funny.
Sigh. I’ve been a Macophile, a Matsophile, a Edberaphile, a Peteophile. Live long enough and the broken heart does repair.
I fancy myself an Historian.
– AliceMarble
I think I’m an Unconditional with Historian undertones.
That article about Bartoli crying after Fed lost Wimbledon makes me like her a little bit more. Also the pictures of her at a hospital – actually interacting with the kids.
Hi!
I was a Peteophile for sure, although I flirted with and Agassi crush for at least one U.S. Open.
Yogahz – Unconditionals are my favorite! I wish I was one.
Hey Freakyfrites, I don’t know what I am: I’m so confused!
I want him to go on and make history, I’m kind of shocked when he loses—on any surface—and I enjoy watching him play. I won’t drop everything when he’s on, though. I think he’s the most talented player I’ve ever seen, but I don’t think he’s had the best career yet.
See? Confusing, right?
Hey Van,
I think you may not actually be a Fedophile, but a reasonable, rational fan that admires his game for what it is without crossing the line into unhealthy obsession.
That’s a good thing!
Thanks FF! I’ll take that!
Hey! Really needed a bit of humour in my life today after what happened against Karlovic earlier. Stayed up till 2:30am Indian Time (on a weekday at that!) to watch that heart-breaking loss. I hereby declare myself a Fedophile and I don’t regret it at all! Thanks a ton for this post!
Hail Federer! (this has been my standard “parting statement” for oh-so-many years now! Haha)
Hi Richa!
Welcome to the comments section! So happy to have you and I’m glad you enjoyed the post.
I still think Roger’s saving up for the Olympics – everyone else will be exhausted and he’ll be motivated and ready to go!
(I’m in a positive mood today
)
“Hard line Flat Earthers fear change to the status quo like Pete Seeger fans feared Dylan at the Newport Folk Festival.”
Brilliant.
Funny read. I’m in full belief that fedophiles are the Claymates of tennis.
How the heck did you forget the Devil wears Prada herself Anna Wintour!
You must live in a flyover state.
Hi Anonymous. I’m assuming that these last two posts are from the same person.
Thanks for reading!
I did forget about Anna Wintour. (I live in Los Angeles, so I don’t really have a good excuse.) But how should I categorize her? Unconditional, maybe – but something tells me that if Rog grew his hair out and started wearing FUBU, she’d be ringing up James Blake.
i fancy myself an unconditional with a dash of historian and a smidge of flat earh. i think its cool that u did dis, it actually made me happier. and i love d article, r u a wrtier cause this is really nice. federer for life no matter if rafa wins 50 grand slams and roger never wins anything again. i will name my son after him when i have one
Hi Mojirola – Thanks for posting and reading! I’m glad that my article made you feel good – as a Fed fan nowadays, we need all the help we can get.
Roger Mojirola has a nice ring to it!
gayist of all time-not that it mattersat all but who’s kidding who-
come out Roger
Oh please get a grip.
Lol very entertaining post! I have some qualities of all the categories but im probably a historian. Im the kind of fan that gives Rafa his due but im also pissed off that tennis favors his game these days. I do think Roger is the greatest of all time barring Laver perhaps because it’s impossible to compare. I would give anything for Roger to win 15 slams but if he doesnt ill still like him just as much. But hopefully he’ll win 18 slams LOL.
Glad you enjoyed! I hope I can update the post soon – after Roger’s won a couple more slams!
I don’t believe in the idea of GOAT because I don’t think it’s possible to compare players from different eras (with different surfaces, equipment, competition, conditions, etc.). Even comparing players who played against each other at different stages of their careers is hard. I’ve favored lots of players over my tennis-watching life, from Ken Rosewall (yes, I’m that old) to Stefan Edberg to Roger Federer. What makes Federer my favorite player of all time is that I get so much pleasure from watching him play — how he hits the ball when he’s “on,” how he moves on the court, the incredible shots he is capable of making, his sportsmanship, and his clear love of the game. To me, watching Federer is an aesthetic experience and I’m happy to have lived long enough enjoy it many times over.
Well said, lk28. I think it was Martina N. or someone similar who pointed out how impossible it is to really crown a GOAT – especially considering that the obsession with racking up Major titles is a relatively new one on tour and great players like Rod Laver (who I never saw play but think is probably the GOAT) had to deal with the whole amateur vs. professional controversy back in the day.
I think it’s interesting, though, to see how the players, themselves, treat the GOAT recognition. It’s pretty obvious that Roger really, really wants people like McEnroe and Borg and Sampras to consider him the GOAT, and that’s what makes it matter to me.
Roger also is my personal GOAT (although I admit to having a shorter frame of reference than you do.) I think this might be his biggest legacy to the sport: inspiring tennis fans to love the game as much as he does.
Hi, ff. I agree that Roger does want to be considered the GOAT, but it’s not really helpful to him to have that as a focus. It means that he puts a lot of pressure on himself when he steps on court, especially in the Grand Slams. As for your last comment — I agree that he’s brought a lot of new fans to tennis. I do wonder how many will stick around when he retires, though. A lot of the admiration seems personal to him. I’d love to see another Fed-style player start up the ranks. Of course, no one will ever match him…
I hope that this transition period, where Roger is playing and dominating less, gets the Fedophiles to appreciate some of the other great players in the game, including Nadal! But now I’m feeling all sad about Safin retiring, and it’s got me thinking more about how much it will suck when Federer leaves. Of course, I was bummed when Sampras started losing, and then Federer was nipping on his heels. So who’s nipping on Federer’s heels? I’m a big Tsonga fan, and I like watching Murray play, but I agree, there’s no one around yet who matches Roger, in terms of my emotional connection to the player.