I was commenting on a post on Steve Bartholomew’s excellent Top Spin Tennis Blog when a new term popped into my head: Fedophile.
Perhaps this has already been coined, but if not, the moment seems ripe. Roger’s recent struggles have brought a new intensity to the Fed-worship, with many fans transforming from mere admirers of Fed’s game to defenders of his playing style, his girlfriend, his mental state, and his until-recently-unchallenged dominance over the sport, retaliating with angry emails to any criticisms, mild or brutal, that may be lobbed his way by the media or that rare breed – the Rafaphile. I don’t mean to demonize my fellow Fed-fans – I flirt with Fedophilia myself – I’d simply like to chronicle the movement as it gains mainstream attention.
(Click on the green highlighted text for links to all the evidence.)
The Sacred Text: Federer as Religious Experience by David Foster Wallace
This long form article, published in August, 2006 in the New York Times’ Play magazine is the touchstone text for all Fedophiles. It publically expresses what most fans had thought was their own, secret belief – that Roger’s game is not only the most perfect and beautiful form of tennis ever to be witnessed by man or woman, but that its perfection and beauty transcends sport itself to represent all that is good and right in the world. Wallace even uses footnotes, making his claims pleasingly scientific.
The Patron Saint: Miroslava “Mirka” Vavrinec
Could there be a better person for Fedophiles to emulate? Watch her face during a typical Federer game, as a beautific, placid smile plays upon her lips. A good point is acknowledged with a smattering of applause, a match point with a cheer, and a championship point with a leap and hugs all ’round. It is rare that you ever see even the faintest expression of doubt flicker across Mirka’s broad, pale face, and when it does, it quickly fades to either adulation or deep sympathy, depending on the outcome on court. Watching Mirka during Roger’s matches is a lesson in unconditional love – take notes, disciples.
The Mascot: Marion Bartoli
Maid Marion outed herself as Fedophile No. 1 when she admitted to breaking down in tears when Roger lost Wimbledon this year. Here are the best parts, courtesy of tennisreporters.net:
“It was really a heartbreaker for me,” she said. “I cried after it. I was so disappointed. I’m a Roger fan and when you are fan you want him to win. I thought he had the match in his hands and he let it slip. It was hard. Maybe it was harder for him, but it was hard for me as well. I was so stressed. Sometimes I couldn’t watch it, it was so much pressure.”Was she happy at all for Nadal?
“No, not even a little bit.”
Bartoli keeps close tabs on Federer and said that she heard that he was really depressed after the match, but the next day, he was laughing and on vacation.
“I think he recovered better than me because I was down for three days afterward,” she said. “I think he’s going to win the Olympics and US Open.”
Bartoli has her own handmaidens! Read this entertaining report on Fed’s female fans. Girls, pass the Kleenex!
The Infidels:
Rafael Nadal: Fedophiles may grant Rafa a grudging “congrats” here and there, but we all know that if Rafa had turned to futbol instead of tennis, Roger would have at least 3 Roland Garros titles by now and this year’s Wimbledon, making his Grand Slam total a Sampras-shattering 16. Note that Fedophiles rarely have sympathy for Roddick fans.
Novak Djokovic: The ultimate usurper, who unlike Rafa does not take his praise humbly and insist that Roger Federer will always be the best. He crowed after Roger’s loss at Roland Garros, saying, “Some things are changing. . .New names are coming, fresh talented players who believe more they can win against him and I am one of them. Suddenly he is worried a little bit.” It was a great day for Fedophiles when Novak went down to Safin in the second round of Wimbledon.
Much has also been made of Novak’s parents, especially his mom’s post Aussie Open proclamations that “the king is dead, long live the king”. Even Roger doesn’t like them, as evidenced in the above video, where he tells them to shut up while he beats their son in Monaco.
Mats Wilander: Questioned the size of Roger’s man parts.
The guy who wrote that piece in the Mirror: For shame!
Signs that you may be a Fedophile:
1. You mow down fellow tennis fans at the U.S. Open on a quest to score a ticket upgrade to Federer’s match.
2. You tie up the BBC’s phone lines complaining of an anti-Fed bias in the commentary booth.
3. You make your wife, who is 8-months pregnant, sit next to you on a hard plastic seat for over four hours while you watch Roger play.
“Honey,” Gwen’s saying to Gavin, “This shit really is bananas!”
4. You write a blog like this one!
Tags: Federer, Fedophile, goat, roger
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Hey freakyfrites,
Definition of the term is good, but I don’t like the sound of it. It’s a bit too close to pedophile and who wants that negative connotation.
Hi Alista! Haha, yes, it’s a silly coincidence.
Hi freakyfrites,
I’d be the first to admit that I am a big Fedophile and that I couldn’t stop laughing while reading this, but I disagree with you on one thing:
“Note that Fedophiles rarely have sympathy for Roddick fans.”
I’m actually quite the Roddick fan myself (and I’m not even American, hmm… that’s pretty strange now I come to think of it) but that’s based solely on the fact that Roger owns Roddick’s sorry ass. I just love watching him destroy Roddick, I especially enjoyed the semis of the Australian Open 2007.
But please keep posting more of this, it really made my day!
Hi anoymous!
Thanks so much for reading and I’m glad you liked my post.
I too, enjoy those Roddick beat downs, while still liking Roddick as a player and wishing him well (as long as that doesn’t include beating Roger!) I’m not sure if Roddick’s hardcore fans would appreciate my feelings, though – hehe!!!
I’m assuming you caught my post on Fedophiles and the GOAT factor: http://gototennis.blogspot.com/2008/07/fedophile-files-goat-factor.html
Where do you fall on the GOAT question?
Hi, it’s me again!
Roger playing Andy used to mean a sure win for Feds, so I was completely shocked when I found out that Roddick actually beat Roger in Miami (didn’t get a chance to watch the match, so the outcome came as a total surprise)
Hehe, I’ve always considered ‘hardcore’ Roddick fans as pathetic teenage girls that burst out crying when they found out that he was engaged
I did catch your post on the GOAT debate and it made me realize how big of a Fedophile I actually am. I would consider myself an unconditional but lately I’ve been on the verge of becoming a Flat Earther (which makes me just as pathetic as the teenage Roddick fans I guess, haha!) Anyway, I always tell people who give Nadal credit for whatever he did this time that I don’t care about his ‘great’ achievements, because his face still looks like a monkeybutt. Yes, I know, I need help…
Yeah, it was funny – today at the Countrywide Classic I overheard a little teenage girl cry out “WHERE’S RODDICK?” to her friends. So funny.
Monkeybutt is harsh, my friend! You are a Flat Earther for sure
But I think that’s still a few steps up from teenage Andy fan!
Wow! You’re at the Countrywide Classic? I’m so jealous…
I’m stuck at my office, unfortunately for me.
And even if I didn’t have to work, I still live in Holland, so that may cause some logistic problems
Haha! Next time you see a teenage girl desperately looking for Andy, just tell her that you saw him walking by hand in hand with his fiancee a few minutes ago. Wouldn’t I love to see the looks on their faces then.
I apologise for being a bit evil today
Thank you for this article. It’s the first time I’ve smiled today since, oh, 4am or so.
To begin: I am a FEDAL girl. Tennis as art.
Some call us “dilettantes”, or worse – I sniff and attempt to gently remind that it takes one on each side of the net to play. And a master on each side of the net for really good tennis. (Otherwise it can be just a lot of ba**-whacking.)
Whatevs.
Here’s the thing, and I think it was brought home in part today (I won’t remind you; the post is date stamped; you know what today is):
“…but we all know that if Rafa had turned to futbol instead of tennis, Roger would have at least 3 Roland Garros titles by now and this year’s Wimbledon, making his Grand Slam total a Sampras-shattering 16.”
Not necessarily so. I would bet on the Wimbly, certainly — but Rogi lost the French Open at least once before Rafa played it.
And I think in great part (the great mono debate aside — I’m with those who say it takes 10 months to recover; you know when he caught it; you do the math) the problem was the same as it is now: Focus and Concentration.
I have a brilliant friend who breezed all the way from grade through university rarely studying — certainly less than compatriots — because her mind was just that good. Then she went to grad school with a bunch of other brilliants and she actually had to work much harder at it, because the work also got harder.
If your opponents are better, or learning faster, and your game is harder, for whatever reason – “age” (only in sport is 27 talked about like it’s 87), residual illness – then you can’t do what you’ve always done and expect it to be enough to continue to win.
You have to do more — and if you’ve always had focus problems, you may need to learn to yoga (shoot, Andy Murray does it) or to meditate. (Yoga’s also good because it expands lung capacity. Physiological and mental improvement simultaneously. Efficiency. I hear Swiss people like that.)
Yeah, it’s namby-pamby new-agey. But a lot of the Harvard profs do it. Seems to work ok for them.
Enough of a book. You know where I stand on this. If you want to be a team of two, I’ll help elbow the non-discerning aside at the U.S. Open with you.
With respect –
m